Draft as Many Versions as Needed for Clarity, Part 3

Edit Is a Four Letter Word, con't

The letter D is for:

Draft as many versions as needed for clarity

Part 3: Edit by Rewording


Often rewording means to make substitutions that improve your writing. Individual words or phrases can be omitted or altered. Making these changes can lead to accurate, clear writing. In rewording there are several areas to examine.

Inspect your verbs carefully.

1. Eliminate forms of the verb “to be” (am, is, was, were, are, will be, would be, etc.) as much as possible. This verb can be reduced…

a. By using more exciting verbs and by adding commas and adjectives.

Original:
The bookcase where I sat was made of oak and was filled with law books from floor to ceiling.

Revised:
The oak bookcase rose to the ceiling, displaying volumes of law books.

b. By omitting the form of “to be”

Original:
Peering in the store window, the toddler was eyeing the spotted puppy that was lying next to the blond one.

Revised:
Peering in the store window, the toddler eyed the spotted puppy lying next to the blond one.

c. By combining sentences, most forms of the verb can be eliminated.

Original:
Her hair was bleach-blond and it was thinning. Her deep brown eyes were sparkling with mischief.

Revised:
Her bleach-blond hair was thinning; her deep brown eyes sparkled with mischief.


2. Strive for the most accurate verb possible. Every word in our language has a slightly different meaning; therefore, endeavor to find the one which expresses exactly what you wish to say. This is easily done by reading each sentence, focusing on the verb and determining what other verb could convey a truer picture of the event.

Original:
The young man was watching the women’s faces as they entered the room.

Revised:
The young man scrutinized the women’s faces as they entered the room.

Original:
The cigarette smoke encircled the room.

Revised:
The cigarette smoke engulfed the room.


3. Change passive verbs to active verbs. In reality, it isn’t the verb that is active or passive, but the subject. When the subject is doing something, there is action. Action gives the sentence a better “voice.” As you read your sentences notice if they bog down your thinking or the flow of the action. Once you notice the verb and you have transformed it to the most accurate one which conveys your meaning, see if the subject of that sentence is doing the action of that verb. Alter the sentence to remove the passive voice. If this cannot be done, you need to eliminate the sentence or realize this sentence requires the passive voice. Changing from passive to active voice can alter the meaning or it can clarify it. Understand what you intend to say and be certain your meaning is not altered with the change.

Original:
Service is provided to the diners with the utmost professionalism.

Revised:
The restaurant serves it’s diners with the utmost professionalism.

Original:
Mills End Park is the world’s smallest park and is 452 square inches. The attraction to the people is amazing. The park draws people from everywhere.

Revised:
It is amazing how Mills End Park, the world’s smallest at 452 square inches, attracts so many people.

The preposition by often indicates passive sentence construction.

The following word endings, although not passive in themselves, do attract weak verbs and passive constructions: -ion, -tion, -ment, -ance, -ancy-, ization. These endings are found in such words as, determination, , concession, announcement, realization, etc. When you notice these words in your writing, determine the verb from which they derive and try to restore the verb in the revised sentence.

Original:
The authorization to proceed came from the CEO.

Revised:
The CEO authorized us to proceed.

Original:
The concession was made by the company that the workers needed the raise.

Revised:
The company conceded that the workers needed the raise.

Original:
The announcement about their engagement came as a surprise to everyone.

Revised:
They announced their engagement to everyone’s surprise.


Scrutinize the Nouns, Adjectives and Adverbs

In poor writing, weak verbs lean on adverbs and poorly chosen nouns lean on adjectives to gain descriptive accuracy. Verbs and nouns are assisted by accurate adverbs and adjectives, but to often, a novice writer over indulges.

Original:
The tall, skinny thirteen-year-old ran quickly down the hill.

Revised:
The lanky teen raced down the hill.


Appeal to the Senses

Every reader is stimulated with words that appeal to the senses: see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. A good writer uses sensory words which convey emotion and draws the reader into the story. These words activate the reader’s mind and helps him or her recall experiences. As with everything, moderation is important. Do not use description excessively.

Original:
The pizza smelled good.

Revised:
The pizza’s spicy aroma filled the room.


Be Specific

Good writing includes concrete details rather than abstract terms. These details mimic life more closely and breathe life into the story. A good writer uses specific details which evoke images in the reader’s mind.

Original:
The old man wandered down the alley in torn and dirty clothing.

Revised:
The shell of a man wandered down the alley in tattered rags.


Remember: Choose your words carefully for clarificaton and to keep your reader interested.


Next, the letter I in that four letter word Edit.
I stands for:
Incorporate word and sentence variety

Source (adapted from):
Cheney, Theodore A. Rees. Getting the Words Right: How to Revice, Edit & Rewrite, Writer’s Digest Books, Cincinnati, OH, 1987.