Isn't it just like our children to push us into the 21st Century. Our writing group found this story hilarious, and no doubt Dede's inflections kept us roaring. Thank you for sharing Dede! Enjoy, everyone!
Smart Phones
Christmas day brought us kicking and screaming
into the modern world of social media. Our daughter Joni gave each of us a
smart phone. We have been resisting getting one while declaring our preference
for our old tried and true flip phones. To tell the truth we are technically
challenged. The new ones came with cases, charging wires, batteries, and a tiny
little instruction book. They could do anything a computer could and also had
GPS capability. We wouldn't have even considered new phones but Jerry's case had
worn out and was no longer made while mine had recently taken a trip to the
county jail with one of my grandsons and try as I might I couldn't get it
released. But that's another story.
I hadn't been too happy with the new one I got
from Jitterbug, it wasn't living up to its advertisements. They say their
phones are simple enough for even an old person and big buttons. I wasn't
having much luck with mine. So, I had been talking about changing phones. After
oohing and awing and thanking Joni we looked at each other with misgivings.
Joni reassured us that she would teach us to use them we began the adventure of
punching buttons and cursing. After activating them she explained how to use
them. It seemed crystal clear. Just swipe the phone and see all the pictures of
different functions, then just press what you want the phone to do. OK we tried
it out and everything worked just fine.
The next day while sitting in our matching old
people recliners, clutching our shinning new phones we tried to make some calls.
Oh boy, what fun. I swiped and swiped and Jerry swiped up, down, and with
vigor. Nothing happened, nothing. luckily Jerry had his flip phone still
working so we called our ever-patient daughter for help. It turned out we had
missed a step in our eagerness to learn. You tap the phone twice then swipe it
she reminded us. Oh, and don't forget to set up your contact list was her
cherry sign off. So, we got the phones on and spent the rest of the time
setting up our contacts. I entered home phones, mobile phones, addresses and
even e-mail addresses. Needless to say, after doing that we agreed to wait
another day before doing anything else.
Another day came and with it much frustration. At
least we were both doing the same thing and could help each other. "How do
you do this, and what does this thing mean?" echoed through our living
room. Plus a few, "blast it I will have to start at the beginning again,"
and "I hate this phone". Trying to send messages with our new numbers
went smoothly but trying to retrieve their messages was, pound the phone
frustrating.
Next, we tried the camera out. Jerrys took a nice
picture and he snapped happily away taking pictures of the TV, fireplace, his
feet and so on. Mine was stuck on taking picture after picture, close up of a
horrible looking old lady whose face got angrier and angrier as I kept trying
different things to change the camera away from selfie mode. I was in despair
seeing myself so close up and looking down which ages you ten years. I did
finally find the delete button and got rid of fifteen pictures. Time out. I
said, I'm not touching that thing again today.
Another call was made to Joni and she cheerily
agreed to come over after work and help us out, by then we had tried some other
things and failed but we were getting used to some of the functions. Have you
looked at the instruction book she asked? The book is a little 3"x4"
thing with, (get your reading glasses out) tiny print. A minimum amount of
instructions is covered. Things went well after she spent some time with us. We
were confident and bragged to each other how we had learned so quickly. I guess
all that yelling, pounding, and cussing was soon forgotten.
Alas someone told Jerry that he could press a function
and just speak into the phone and it would do anything he wanted. Good he said;
I'm tired of texting. He decided to try it out by calling me.
"Call Dede" he said.
"I don't understand you", a nice lady
replied.
Again he said "Call Dede", same result.
Time after time he repeated himself, with the
lady saying over and over "I can't understand you.
He started saying rude things to her and cursing
her. From the kitchen where I had retreated I suggested he just hang up and
forget it. Oh no, he was determined, "Call Dede", "Call
Dede" getting louder and angrier, followed me downstairs to my haven in
the basement. I don't know what finally happened, and I didn't ask.
Every day brings a new challenge but we are more
comfortable with our phones. The other day Joni brought me a Bluetooth for my
car so I don’t have to pull over to answer a call, sounds great, you just push
a button! I don't know----
Dede K.
Jan 2017
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