Attractions can be very strong, almost to the
point of obsession. Most of us show a
strong need to have someone or something in our life that is hard to leave
behind. Valerie tells us of her past love, and the strong hold it had on her.
A Farewell Tribute to My Love
Love can make you do anything,
including sacrifice for what would be better in the end. Everything seems
brighter, happier, and wonderful when you are in love. It is an unconditional
affection with no limits. The feeling it generates warms your heart and brings
you serenity. It is a powerful word and not to be tossed about flippantly.
Alfred Lord Tennyson’s renowned quote states, “It is better to have loved and
lost than never to have loved at all.” This is my love story.
It all began some 40 years ago. The
first encounter was definitely not some tawdry prearranged clandestine lust
filled rendezvous. It was not like that with us and never developed into
anything of the sort. Our love was pure
and irreproachable. From the very first time, I touched my lips to his mouth and
tasted his sweetness, I knew. My resolve recklessly abandoned me like a lost
balloon jerked from a child’s hand by a violent gust of wind. The chemistry between us was instantaneous.
The bond was undeniable. For the next
forty years, he would be by my side.
According to society’s dictated
criterions of attractiveness, he would never attain a position or honorable
mention in the category labeled “beautiful people.” That never mattered to me. It was not about
looks and it never had been. He was a short man with a barrel like chest. This
feature made him seem even shorter and stouter. His rather short neck sat atop
his plump chest giving him an almost comical look. Yet every time I saw him, I was not looking at
the outward appearance, but instead blinded by the bright light of his
intrinsic value and what he brought into my life. It was powerful and all
He was not a charmer in any sense of
the word, but his presence was seductive and compelling. He unfalteringly
remained at my side through thick and thin over the many years we were
together. He picked me up when I was
down. He always came eagerly when I reached out for him and never a harsh word
passed between us. When life overwhelmed me, I turned to him for comfort. When
I was exhausted, his fortitude propelled me forward. He was my constant in an
unpredictable universe. He was very altruistic never requesting or demanding
anything in return. It was all about me! It was always that way. He was my everything.
I often chuckled aloud as I playfully referred to him as my guilty pleasure!
He was my constant and faithful
companion. Friends and family often joked that we were like conjoined twins:
but our relationship was far from symbiotic. I was incapable of providing him
the same level of gratification and comfort that I greedily usurped from his being.
He never once complained! He unconditionally accepted me for who I was. Not one
iota of judgment or reproach ever crossed his lips. He was my safe port on a
It was not always as idyllic as it
sounds. Over the years, I ended things with him on several occasions. During these interludes, I thought about him
repeatedly almost to the point of being obsessive. My friends and family would
encourage me to move forward and not look back.
It was easy for them to minimize his importance in MY life. If
circumstances reversed, their viewpoint might be totally altered. So time after time, I summoned him back into my
life and as submissively as he always departed, he returned. Once again, all
was right with my world.
There came a point in my life were I
was beginning to realize that the liaison was dysfunctional and not in my best
interest. This time was different from the times before that I had half
heartily terminated things. The stakes were higher and the end payoff
indisputably greater. Our last night together was bittersweet. I conveyed to
him with emotionally charged sentiment how much he had meant to me over the
years. I thanked him from the depths of my heart for being my rock, my anchor,
(and chuckling) my guilty pleasure. He sat quietly before me taking it all in
and as always, he remained the ultimate consummate gentleman. “I love you, “I gushed. “You will always be a
part of me. That will never change. We shared the good times together and
weathered many a storm. I will not forget you. ““What you and I shared is
priceless, “I blurted all this out my eyes blinded by tears. There was no more talk and gently caressing
him, we walked to the door for our final goodbye. He was gone. This time it was
Many a time, I have found myself
frequenting our favorite haunts in hopes that I might catch a glimpse of him.
My intention is not to reunite, but just to absorb the energy his essence
exudes. It is comparable to basking in the sunshine and soaking up that
wonderful warm feeling. It radiates to your heart and soul touching every part
of your body giving you that inviting restful sensation. Many times our paths
have crossed in these familiar settings. I always keep my distance and make
sure that he is not aware of my presence. I do this not out of respect for him,
but the temptation of being so close in proximity is just too risky for me.
There are times when I observe him
from afar just hanging out doing his own thing. More often than not, he is in
the company of other women. I have witnessed them putting their lips on his
mouth. That enrages me. I must summon up all my resolve so that I do not sprint
over there and angrily wrench him away from the arms of his current hussy. With
heart racing, quivering knees and my lips yearning for a taste of his sweet
mouth, I turn and leave. I have avoided the temptation yet once again. It has
been over a year since our last fateful night and my paramount desire for him
is slowly ebbing away. I am no longer the captain of his ship and I must leave
him to steer his own course no matter where it transports him or how distant
the land. As the saying goes, “all good things must come to an end.” We sure had
one heck of a run!
He was my constant and faithful companion. Friends and family often joked that we were like conjoined twins: but our relationship was far from symbiotic. I was incapable of providing him the same level of gratification and comfort that I greedily usurped from his being. He never once complained! He unconditionally accepted me for who I was. Not one iota of judgment or reproach ever crossed his lips. He was my safe port on a stormy day.